Underside of Courage (Beautifully Disturbed Series Book 2) by Sarah Zolton Arthur

Author:Sarah Zolton Arthur [Zolton Arthur, Sarah]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: General Fiction
Publisher: Irving House Press
Published: 2016-10-10T22:00:00+00:00

Chapter 19

Collin

He left.

What the hell did I do?

He left.

Isn’t that what I wanted? Wasn’t that the desired result? And I shoved him. Not hard, but I still did it. He fell. He was bleeding. After he poured his heart out to me, I really am the lowest form of scum.

Kip’s scent lingers on my pillows, the sheets and the comforter. It surrounds me as a punishment, leaving me tossing and turning on the bed we shared. Sleep never comes. Rather, I find myself deep in my own head, thinking of a day I’ve tried for years to forget.

“I love you, you know that Collin?” Andrew says, suddenly sounding serious.

“I know. I love you too.”

He leans away from me, pulling open the top drawer of the bedside table, taking something out, pushing the drawer closed and leaning back to me.

“Move to Lafayette after graduation.” It’s not a question, he’s not asking.

“What?”

“Yeah, you come down after graduation. We get an apartment, establish residency then you don’t have to live in the dorms. We can be together all the time…

Why’d he have to fall in love? Kip, hell, either of them? I’m scum, but love… love is where it starts to go bad. And I know just how bad bad can get.

Shit. “Andrew, what do I do, man? Gimme something to work with here because I’m dying.” I demand into the air. Because it really feels like my heart is breaking all over again.

Then the urge hits me. After springing up from the bed, I run to the closet to dig out his picture from the bottom of the plastic bin.

Andrew doesn’t answer me. He never will again. What I do hear is Elle next door in Ben’s bed, screaming his name and thanking god. She’s thanking god as I slide down the wall naked, clutching Andrew’s picture to my chest cursing His name.

I stay there forever with the sounds of Elle’s pleasure and Ben’s love echoing in my ears. How is life so unfair? How can Ben be getting lucky next door when his beautiful brother is lying under a foot of snow in the cold earth?

We always had today. Together. Me and Ben and a bottle of Cuervo. The anti-Valentine. Now he’s in there being happy?

You could’ve been happy.

No. No. I would’ve hurt him.

Kip.

Somehow I would have found a way to destroy that angelic man. He’s the kind of man you marry and adopt babies with. He’s the buy a house in the suburbs, family barbeques, sponging his forehead with a damp washcloth when he’s sick, sitting up worrying with when the oldest kid breaks curfew kind of man. I ruined Andrew. I’d inevitably ruin Kip.

Ugh. I can’t take the noise anymore. She’s so damn loud.

Great, Elle. You’re enjoying yourself.

Finally gaining the strength to push up off the floor, I walk around to the bedside table and gently place Andrew’s photo back where it used to sit before Kip, so I can get dressed.

One pair of sweatpants later, I sit down at the kitchen table.

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